The Iron Scriptures

And Brodin spake unto the Children of Swoliosis, saying, "Thou shalt cast away thy flabby garments and journey forth from the land of Dad-Bod, for it is an abomination unto thine gains." Forty days and forty nights shalt thou train, eating clean manna and drinking from the springs of hydration, and thy belly shall harden like unto the tablets of stone upon which these commandments are written. Verily, when thy journey through the wilderness of cutting is complete, the promised land of abs shall be revealed, and Cutdusa shall smile upon thy transformation.