The Iron Scriptures

And the LORD spake unto Aaron's sons, saying: "These are the laws of the sacred deadlift which thou must obey. Thou shalt keep thy back straight as the staff of Moses, neither rounded nor arched beyond measure. And thy shoulders shall be drawn back like the wings of the cherubim, lest thou bring injury upon thyself. Behold, thy feet shall be planted firmly upon the ground, at the width of thy shoulders, as the pillars of the temple stand unmoved. For he who observes proper form honors the temple of his body, but he who lifts with the pride of ego brings destruction upon his lower back and shall be afflicted with pain for seven days and seven nights."