The Iron Scriptures

And Brodin said unto the faithful, "Thou shalt cast aside thy garments of comfort and thy ways of indulgence, for the path from the land of Dad-Bod to the promised peaks of Abs-rael is paved with sacrifice." The Swolfather watcheth with approval those who deny themselves the bread of wickedness and the beer of iniquity, for only through the sacred cutting of calories shall thy core be revealed like tablets of stone.