The Iron Scriptures

And Brodin took the dust of the earth and formed the first lifter, breathing into his lungs the spirit of iron. And lo, He placed in the Garden of Gaineden barbells and dumbbells of every weight, commanding, "Of all these implements thou mayest freely lift, but of the machines with guided paths, thou shalt use sparingly, for in the day thou relyest solely upon them, thy functional strength shall surely diminish."